Adult Beverages Deluge the Friendly Confines

Chicago, IL —In a bold move to enhance the Wrigley Field experience, the Chicago Cubs have announced the unveiling of The Yard, a premium center-field seating area that includes a ballpark meal and—wait for it—unlimited drinks. That’s right, Cubs fans. You can now drown your sorrows in as many Old Styles as you like without having to worry about rationing your beer budget by the third inning.

According to the team, The Yard aims to bring fans "closer to the action."

“This is all about giving Cubs fans a one-of-a-kind experience,” said a team spokesperson.  “You can sit back, enjoy a hot dog, and watch baseball in a stress-free environment where winning is optional.”

Despite its premium amenities, The Yard does pose some challenges. For one, Cubs pitchers have expressed concerns about throwing with a fully hydrated (read: heavily intoxicated) crowd just a few feet behind them. “I already hear enough heckling from the bleachers,” one reliever said, “but now it’ll be coming from people who’ve had a twelve-pack and think they can strike out Pete Alonso.”

Another challenge? The beer snake. With unlimited drinks, Wrigley fans may soon construct a beer cup tower so massive that it earns landmark status alongside the ivy-covered walls.

Tickets for The Yard are expected to sell out quickly, as hard-partying Chicagoans leap at the opportunity to watch baseball with all the perks of an all-inclusive resort—minus an adequate supply of restrooms.

One thing’s for sure: Wrigley Field just got a lot more interesting. And so did Chicago’s Monday morning hangovers.

It's easier than ever to get wasted at Wrigley Field, but you'll never waste money on baseball team gear, memorabilia and equipment at AMFANS.

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